Me, a cockroach?

     Growing up my father always drilled into to us that you get what you pay for. He also showed us that even if you did spend hard earned bucks on anything you examined it closely.

We grew up in a family of ten, eight children , mom and dad. We were close , sheltered and never wanted even if we did not have all the things our friends had. But it was always new,well cared for and worth the wait.

     Fast forward to adulthood and having forgotten those important lessons. My ex was in the military for quite a few years and most things were provided for us as far as furnishings go. The less you had to move the better. Especially when it involved hard drinking nationals overseas who would craftily wrap and box anything in sight unless you told them you did not want the family dog to expire on the trip. One year they even wrapped one child's birthday cake that was to be eaten that night.

     After finally leaving the service we had to learn about what is a bargain and what could possibly be harmful to your health. This is where the cockroach seating comes in.

     Let me be clear, it was not infested with vermin, it was just infested with ....me.

     Trying to save money I frequented yard sales, neighbors homes ,thrift shops.  I came across a dinette set that I just had to have. It was well used , glass top and brass like chairs. The table was wobbly at best, and the chairs ...well the chairs were questionable . But I was proud of my purchase, got it home, set it up and proudly waited to display it. We lived in a nice neighborhood and friends dropped by all day as my door was always open. This was one of those days I'd wished the children in the neighborhood saw my place as a gingerbread house and that I would just as quickly snatch one of them up to stew . 

    I sat down to lunch and disappeared immediately into the well. Hands and feet pointed to the ceiling,face planted well into the space between my knees, looking for all the world like a dying cockroach. I was trapped. Then I heard it. The sound of a child's voice in wonderment "Wow, look at that!" Peeking through my knees and the veil of  my humiliation, I saw all the neighbor children  in my dining room .

   I would stay in this position for a bit although I was able to turn myself and my new outerwear on our sides . I couldn't wriggle myself out of this contraption and had to wait patiently until someone could butter my ass to slide it off. Of course I had to wait even longer until they came to after having passed out from laughter.