Thursday, November 1, 2012

We need a drink

It's been quite a busy two weeks here what with the ghoul I live with and dead rodents dropping out of the sky upon said ghoul. Throw in a last minute BBQ/birthday party for 17 people, where I actually contemplated crawling onto the grill by the wings and sausage because I was done, just done and you know the time I've had.

Let's start with the ghoul aka My Love.

It's a week before Halloween and My Love decided to do some yard work (finally) because I had decided to slice under her skin and crawl in there to spread some itching powder and motivate her to "FREAKING PLANT THE DAMNED MANGO TREE ALREADY, honey".
So out she goes , starts digging where I TOLD HER I wanted the tree.

In the meanwhile, I am sitting in the bedroom because I could not be bothered to be covered in sweat. My Love bursts into the room. She is hopping around on tiptoes in frenzied anxiety. " How big is that yard?!?!?! How big is that yard?!?!?!"
I am afraid to give the wrong answer and at this point wished I had paid more attention in geometry class because I am now trying to figure out how to make AxB=pi-square something and give some quasi intelligent answer.
I innocently threw out " I don't know 2x3 feet."
Well it turned out it wasn't so much a trick question as a cry for help.
A few years ago, when my brother lived in the house, his beloved dog Tatiana had to be put down after becoming ill. He couldn't bear to have her cremated and so he prepared her to be buried in the furthest part of the yard and made a little shrine for her. A little shrine that My Love moved unknowingly in her zeal to be come a self sufficient Gardner

Now you're getting ahead of me.

I also did not know that we were caretakers of a pet cemetery .
My Love is busily perfecting the most perfect circle in the earth at least four feet deep. I know, I saw it, it was a thing of beauty. When we were able to sedate her somewhat she finally told us what happened. In her quest to make that perfect hole in the ground she hit something hard after a certain point. Previously the lot was covered in all kinds of fruit trees. She thought she hit on left over roots of something and decided to see if she'd dug deep enough anyway and dropped the little tree, bucket and all, into the hole causing a cloud of earth to spray her in the face. It was going to work, but she needed to see what exactly the obstruction was. 

You guessed it, it was poor Tatiana.

After finding this out I realized I should check to see if my love had shit her pants, but her anxiety was worrying me more. I thought this was not the time to tell her that the previous owner of the home was an avid hobbyist of taxidermy and my brother's understanding was the yard may be riddled with corpses.

To make a long story short,too late I know, the little mango tree continues to live in her bucket, tied to a post, the hole has since been refilled, a huge paver put on top, a piece of wood on top of that. We obviously think we have disturbed the spirits and will now pay. We are afraid to go out to the backyard in the dark and look at it tentatively from the kitchen window looking for all the world like a family of meerkats.

To add to My Loves misery, the very next day she decides to go out to water the yard when a dead rodent, probably dropped by some vicious bird of prey like a pterodactyl or something (remember the dinosaurs on the mop) because that sucker was big, hits the ground in front of her.I was in the shower at the time when I heard  "Sonuvabitch !"
We think it was payback for disturbing Tatiana. If that is payback, all we can say is

" Well played Tati, well played."


  1. I got to hear some of this story from the mentioned ghoul, however she left out several of the details. Thank you for filling me in, your version is far more hilarious than hers. Loved it!
    Was beginning to think you got lost in some type of blogger's stratosphere and weren't going to make the leap back...glad you did though. I find you to be one very funny lady, please keep sharing. :)

  2. Hallmark moments are great aren't they?

  3. lmao oh I would have loved to have seen all that play out!

  4. Thank you guys ! I've been remiss in replying because I've been concerned with some health issues my Mom has been going through so I was rather preoccupied . I love the comments . They tell me I'm not the oy one these things happen to . Love you guys !